How the power of choice helped me fight my chronic illnesses
I learned that I could show up each day awash in negative emotions. Or not.
Life presents us with battles and trials we wouldn’t wish to face. Yet how do we choose to show up in the face of the unexpected?
My journey through chronic illnesses, including paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria (PNH) and aplastic anemia, has offered countless life lessons. I’ve had enlightening moments and realized that my health journey has truly prepared me for life. I’ve learned that in every challenging situation, there’s always a silver lining. One of those positives, for instance, has been understanding the significance of having a choice.
Initially in my battle with chronic illnesses, which started at age 19, I found myself sulking and dwelling on what once was. I often pondered why I was chosen to face this hardship, feeling as if my life were doomed. In those moments of self-pity, I couldn’t shake off the words my doctor spoke at my diagnosis.
As my parents observed my behavior, they became concerned about how I’d cope with this unexpected twist in life. I’d hear them say small but powerful things like, “You get to choose how you show up every day,” or “You have a choice each day. You can choose to be happy.” That concept of choice struck a chord with me.
Noticing my power
Each morning, I’d wake up feeling an immediate wave of sadness. My day often revolved around negative thoughts, such as my platelet count dropping again or another hospital parking ticket. I focused on the challenges, rather than the positive aspects of my life. As I became more aware of this behavior, I started to value the power of choice.
I started to gently remind myself, “I choose to be happy today.” That was my way of telling my mind that I wouldn’t give in to the thoughts that brought me down. I could sit in self-pity, staying trapped in negativity, and ignoring the most important task: fighting for my life. Or, I could open my heart to happiness and recognize that there’d always be something to celebrate regardless of what the day threw at me.
While I understand the importance of feeling my emotions (and I definitely did), I knew I couldn’t stay stuck in that more negative mindset. On days when sadness crept in or self-pity started to settle, I’d remind myself that it was all about choice. Choosing happiness helped me view life through a brighter lens, allowing me to easily spot the good things still happening around me.
Deciding how I’ll show up each day has become a daily practice for me. From that time in my life to now, I’ve realized what it means to choose happiness. Though some days can feel long and unexpected challenges, such as car troubles, still come my way, I’ve learned to take a moment to feel my emotions without lingering there. I choose happiness because it’s brought me to where I am today.
Note: PNH News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of PNH News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria.
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